Early Morning Wake up Calls

When my kids were really little, and even as they get bigger, sometimes they come and crawl in bed with me at night, usually because they've had a bad dream and they’re scared. 

Lately, it is the Lord who has been waking me up at night. Or at least that’s what I’m assuming. I usually wake up kind of randomly and then proceed to lay there with thoughts popping into my head. I do not tend to be one who is scared and anxious, but in the middle of the night, all of the scary thoughts pop into my head of things that could possibly happen to my children. I won't go into the gory details, but suffice it to say they leave me pretty shook up. 

So I do all that I know to do. I pray. I thank God for them. I beg God for their safety and salvation and sanctification. I talk to God about the things I am seeing in them, the good and the not so good. And it’s during these times that I feel God’s nearness. I know that He’s there. I know that He’s listening. It’s as if He has crawled in next to me. Not because He’s scared. And not because He necessarily “needs” to be with me, but because He knows I need to be with HIm. 

He knows that some days can be pretty crazy and hectic and I talk with Him sporadically, but He knows I need more than that. He knows I need to feel His presence. He knows my anxious thoughts, that apparently I’m unaware of during the day. He knows I need to ponder my kids and treasure them in my heart, and sometimes during the day, when sin is abounding in mine and their hearts, it’s difficult to treasure.

But in the early hours of the morning, before the birds have even begun to stir, He wakes me up so I can share my heart with HIm. I used to get frustrated about these early morning wake up calls, but I’ve learned they are not without purpose. They are an opportunity to spend time with the Lord and allow Him to comfort me. They are an opportunity to get a little more time added to my day, because sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in the day. They are an opportunity for me to share me fears and my gratitude with the Lord. 

I usually drift off back to sleep, usually in the middle of a sentence, unfortunately. But the Lord is gracious with me. And I wake up a couple of hours later, hardly noticing the sleep that was lost, but noticing that my heart seems a little more full. 

Cherish

I sat in the sand as the water whirled past me on each side. The salty air whipping my face. The sun trying to peak out through the clouds. 

My husband and my oldest boy are in view riding the waves. My girls run around in front of me, jumping over waves one moment and bending down to pick up a curious looking seashell the next.

My youngest is sitting curled up in my lap. He has not enjoyed the beach much so far. The water, with it’s constant motion and roar, are a little much for him. He has enjoyed the sand but it has not captured his interest enough to let me out of his sight. 

I sat down in the water and invited him to sit with me. He hesitated at first but his desire to sit with me outweighed his fear of the water. At first he was lying on my lap facing the ocean. But he did not like the way the water would race up to his toes and lap at them. So he turned around and nestled into me. 

“Hold you, Mommy,” he said. So I held him. 

I started thinking, next year when we come, he will probably like the water. My others have faced their fears year by year and next year he will probably have gained some courage and will want to be jumping the waves with his Daddy and older brother. 

So I sit, holding him, as he squeezes my arm every time the water trickles up to us. His squishy little cheek up against mine. His warm breath against my neck. I desperately wanted a picture of us to capture the moment. But I decided to cherish the moment instead. He will not be a baby snuggled up in my arms for long.

Princesses and Prayers

The other night at bedtime I was praying with my 4-year-old, Jaidyn. About halfway through praying she tapped me on the shoulder. I opened my eyes and she said, “Mommy, will you ask Him to make me a princess when I grow up?” I smiled and continued and shared her request with God.

I’ve been thinking a lot about her request over the last couple of days. I think a lot of us would look at her request and think it’s childish, which it is, and a little over the top, which it is. But something about it makes me pause. 

Sometimes I think I go to God and make my requests known to Him, but in my heart my faith is so weak. Now, I know God is big. I know He is powerful. I know He holds the whole world in his hands. I don’t think it’s always as much of a matter of “Can He”, but “Why would He?” I essentially put God’s “No” on the table for him

I’ve been really struggling a lot with some weaknesses I’ve noticed in my life and some lies from the enemy I’ve been believing.  I have struggled to take these things to God because of the shame and guilt I have felt because of them. I have prayed about them but my belief in him acting on them has been very weak. I have felt like they were just too much. I was doubting God’s ability to forgive me and give me victory over these things. I didn’t so much feel like God could not change my heart and give me victory over these things. I think I struggled to believe that he would want to. Why would he do that for me? My heart is too dark. I don’t love him enough. See, what Jaidyn asked for may seem kind of silly, but the fact is, she believed that He could do it and that He would want to. 

The Lord, in his kindness, brought me to this verse the other day as I was reading Grace Based Parenting... 

“Therefore, since we have a great High Priest who has gone through the 

heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses,

but we have One who has been tempted in every way,

just as we are, yet without sin.

Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, 

so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

(Hebrews 4:14-16)

This passage has reminded me that we have a mediator, Jesus Christ. He is very much acquainted with the difficult things in this life. He knows our weaknesses because he felt them himself. He understands our temptations because he faced them while he was here. God came to earth and because of that He is able to identify with us. 

He became human. Yet, in his humanity, he never sinned. The temptation he faced never became too great. The weakness he felt never overcame him. 

He died a death that I deserved so that I may have life. Because of the cross, I never have to doubt his love. When the guilt and shame I feel because of my humanity become too much, I can remember that the cross was enough. 

I can go to God with confidence because Christ came in humility.  I can have confidence that his mercy is unconditional and his grace is abundant. Christ sympathizes with our weaknesses and his arms are open wide to receive us when we come to him. 

Jaidyn was asking of God in childlike faith. A faith not weighed down by burdens or doubts. And while God may never make her a princess with a tiara and a castle, I’m praying that one day she will become a daughter of the King.

Temper Tantrums

Have you ever been around a toddler having a temper tantrum. Our youngest son is in that phase of life where temper tantrums are kind of the norm. They are usually over the silliest things…like needing to say “please” to get his snack and not wanting to, or having to put his shoes on to go outside, or being told “No” for any reason. 

We have a few different ways of handling tantrums with him, but one of the things I do a lot of times is just hold him tight. He’s not the type to flail about while having a temper tantrum, but he does try to push himself as far away as he can. But I just hold him tight. 

He’s screaming. 

I’m holding him tight. 

He’s pushing away. 

I’m holding him tight. 

He’s probably cussing me out in baby language.

But I’m holding him tight. 

And eventually, 9 times out of 10, he will eventually just give up and collapse in my arms. He will sniffle and wipe his snotty nose on me and then will eventually curl up in my lap. 

The tantrums are enough to send me to the crazy house sometimes, but that snuggle after reminds me of the joy of parenting (because sometimes it’s hard to remember.)

I like to think of myself as that temper tantrum-ing toddler sometimes. I can be so demanding of my own way. I can get so upset when things do not go how I want. I’m not one to kick and scream…I got over that a long time ago…but I can have a pretty terrible attitude when people and situations don’t meet my expectations. 

But, praise God, He holds me tight. He is protective of His children. He disciplines and corrects  his children and He knows what is best for them.

When I’m trying to run 

He holds me tight.

When I’m angry and pull away from Him

He holds me tight.

When I feel lost and confused

He holds me tight.

And when I’m ready to surrender…when I have no fight left in me…He holds me tight. He never left. He was there holding me the whole time…just waiting for me to let go of me and lean into HIm.

Gifts of Grace

Little Jaidyn didn't quite make it in the pic

Tonight Randy and I decided, since Sundays are usually pretty busy for us, that we would take the kiddos out this evening for Valentine’s Day. And since we received a gift card to Panera around Christmas time that’s exactly where we decided to go! We went to the one closest to us and as we were waiting in line, we heard the lady behind the counter say that they were out of bread bowls. Ya’ll, bread bowls are why we go to Panera. So we packed the kids back in the van and drove to the next closest Panera. (Did I mention we like bread bowls?)  We got in line…again, ordered our food and sat down. 

As Hailey and I went to get our drinks, a lady in line commented on our children and asked me how many we had. I told her “four”. Typically when I tell people how many kids I have they comment on how I must have my hands full or how they have NO idea of how I do it. Other times they just smile at me awkwardly and walk away like I’m crazy or something. I don’t think four is that many, but I don't know, maybe it is...who knows!

Anyway, this lady did not do any of those things. Probably because she, too, has four children of her own. She was older than me and has three boys in their twenties and a middle school girl. She told me how much she loved the craziness that a large family brings and how she often misses the noise that used to echo in her halls. We talked a few minutes, I thanked her for the encouragement and we went our separate ways. 

As we were finishing up dinner and while Randy was taking Jaidyn to the restroom, a middle school aged girl walked up to me, handed me an envelope and told me to enjoy my evening. As she walked away, I opened the envelope and there inside was a $100 gift card to Panera. I watched as the girl went to sit down and she sat in the same booth that the lady had sat down in earlier. I was floored. I could not believe someone would spend that much money on us…on me. As we left, we walked by her table as she sat there with her four children and we thanked her for her generosity. She told us to enjoy. She smiled and said she remembers what it was like. 

The funny thing about that gift card is that it is not just a large sum of money to one of my favorite places to eat, but it really is a gift from the Lord. You see, something I have been really struggling with lately is grace. The gift of God’s grace. When I opened that envelope and realized who it was from, my mind immediately began trying to figure out some way I could make it up to this lady…some way I could show her just how thankful I was for what she had given our family. But I really had nothing. I mean seriously, we bought our dinner with a gift card someone else had given us! 

And sometimes when the Lord blesses me with something my mind immediately tries to figure out some way I can repay Him. Just the other day I was sitting in the car thinking about how our house situation has just kind of fallen in to place. We felt the Lord leading us to look in Greensboro even though we had found a house in High Point that we really liked.  Then about a week later He just kind of dropped the opportunity for a house in Greensboro in our laps.  About a week or so later, after we had been looking over our numbers and wondering how it was going to happen, He then dropped a financing option that was going to work perfectly for us right in our laps. 

So there I was, sitting at that red light…thinking, I just don’t understand. I mean, I know God is good. But I also know that I am so not good. Why would He want to give this to me? So often I look at my life and my struggles and the sin that I know that lurks deep within my heart and I think….Why would He do this for me? Why would He be so good to me? Why would He give up His Son for me? Why would He waste His time on me?

But that’s the thing about grace. It’s not about me. It’s not about what I’ve done. It’s not about what I haven’t done. It’s not reciprocal. It’s not dependent upon what I can do to repay or make it right. It is a gift. A free gift. “For by GRACE have you been saved. It is the gift of God. Not of works lest any man should boast.” (Eph 2:8-9) And believe me, I would probably be boasting. 

Paul tells us in Romans 3:

“We are made right in God’s sight when we trust in Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in this same way, no matter who we are or what we have done. For all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet now God in HIs gracious kindness declares us not guilty. He has done this through Christ Jesus, who has freed us by taking away our sins. For God sent Jesus to take the punishment for our sins and to satisfy God’s anger against us. We are made right with God when we believe that Jesus shed his blood, sacrificing His life for us…Can we boast then, that we have done anything to be accepted by God? No, because our acquittal is not based on our good deeds. It is based on our faith. So we are made right with God through faith and not by obeying the law.” 

And before I go feeling like I can’t muster up enough faith…Paul tells us in chapter 12 that it is God who gives us the faith. Paul David Tripp reminded me in his devotional book New Morning Mercies (which is what I actually read this morning…another gift), “Not only is your salvation a gift from God, but faith to embrace it is His gift as well. But here is what you need to understand: God not only gives you the faith to believe for salvation, but He also works to enable you to live by faith…You don’t have to hide in guilt when weak faith gets you off the path, because your hope in life isn’t your faithfulness, but His.” 

Just like that lady at Panera looked on me with compassion tonight, our Father looks on us with compassion. He is the Giver of good gifts. And whether or not our house situation works out, He is still good. He has given me so many gifts already and He has given the ultimate Gift in His Son. He gives the gift of freedom from sin and death, both in this life and the life to come…the gift of eternal life with Him…the gift of faith when I’m prone to wander and prone to doubt.  And I’m so thankful for that reminder tonight of the gift that God gives freely to those who put their faith in HIm. And, of course, I’m thankful for the many bread bowls that are to come! :)

First Day of School 2015

Tomorrow is the first day back to school for these little cuties. 

I am so thankful for the privilege to be able to stay home and homeschool them. 

Best job I could ask for.

This is our little Second Grader. Thoughtful. Helpful. Caring. Meek. Avid-reader and story-teller. Dancer. 

Animal and Music lover. Mother hen to her little siblings.

Loves her Creator and loves to create. 

This is our little Kindergartner. Silly. Creative. Affectionate. Super smart. Energetic.

 Construction worker by day, super hero by night. 

Daddy's little wingman.

This is our little K-3 kiddo. Spunky. Playful. Our spirited child. Very huggable and kissable. 

Always, Always singing. Always making us laugh and keeping us on our toes.

B.F.F to many. 

And we can't forget this little guy. Pouty lips. Pensive eyes. Squishy cheeks. 

Snuggly, handsome little man.

The best little surprise Mommy and daddy could have asked for :) 

A prayer for our kiddos that comes from Psalm 5:11-12...

Father, I pray that our children will recognize their sinfulness and their depravity and that they will take refuge in You. I pray they will be in awe of what You have done for them in Your Son and that they will rejoice in and worship You and You alone. I pray You place a hedge of protection around them so that through their lives You may be glorified. I pray You bless them with a godly life. Give them pure hearts that are fixated on You. Surround them with a shield of love that protects them from the lies of the enemy and reflects Your love to others. 

Thank you for the blessing and the gift that they are. Help us to steward them well.

Amen.

Oh Praise Him!

One night last week we were having family devotions at dinner (which I really hope becomes more of a routine in our family) and Randy was reading Psalm 104. Verse 1 says, "Praise the Lord, my soul. Lord my God, you are great; you are clothed with splendor and majesty." If you get a second read through that chapter. It just goes on and on about how big and great God is but it is written with a lot of imagery so we discussed with the kids what they thought the passage was about and what they thought a lot of it meant. We talked about how God made all of the stars, even the ones that are so big and so far away that we will never ever see them and we talked about how God made all the tiny parts of our body and how He made all of the parts work together so we could live. We talked about how God made all of the huge animals and all of the tiny animals. We talked about how God knows what is going on all over the world and how He makes the universe stay in order yet He still cares about each and every one of us and loves us so dearly. I really enjoyed listening to their thoughts and seeing them really think through all of the characteristics and what they thought about them.

After we finished discussing Caleb said "I think we should pray." I told him, "All right buddy, why don't you go ahead and pray." He prayed and I wish I could remember exactly what he said but pretty much he was thanking God for making us and taking care of us and being so big and so good to us. I was almost in tears. I just thought it was so precious that after he had heard and thought about how great our God is that the first thing he would want to do is talk to God and just thank Him for who He is.

It really got me thinking about how often I just take for granted God's greatness in my own life. Do I think to stop and praise Him and thank Him when I recognize His working in my life? Do I thank Him for that His mercies are new every morning? Do I thank Him that even though our world seems to be crumbling, He holds it in His hands? Do I praise Him for the relationships He has placed in my life?

It really blessed this mommy's heart to see God's Word softening my little boy's heart towards Him and how hearing His Word and thinking on it evoked praise from his lips. Verses 33-34 say, "I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. May my meditation be pleasing to Him, as I rejoice in the Lord." My prayer going forward from this is that I would constantly be recognizing Him for His works and His worth and that my heart and my lips would be praising Him.