Friday, February 25, 2011
My title says it all. I'm not one to pour my heart out on the internet for the whole blogosphere to see. But I feel like I just need to share. I just finished reading a book and have started another regarding orphans. They are both fiction but based on real life. They are by Tom Davis..."Sacred" and "Priceless." I accidentally read them out of order but that's ok. "Priceless" is about sex trafficking in Russia and how little girls are abandoned when they are too old for the orphanages (14 years old.) My heart aches for these girls. "Sacred" is about the AIDS epidemic in AFrica and the orphans that are left as a result of it. I'm only about 7 chapters in and I can already barely read it yet at the same time I am sucked into it. What I am struggling with is what to do with it. What do I do with this stirring in my heart. My heart says to adopt. But from where? And when? I had had my heart set on China but we would not be able to adopt from there until we are 30 (which is closer than I would like it to be...) But there are so many children out there that need homes...how do you choose? And what about our children we have now. Some days I feel like I barely make it with the 2 that I have. They are great kids but can I really mentally and emotionally handle another child and the adoption process that goes along with it? I mean, I know that if it's what God wants then it will work out. That's what everyone tells me. And I believe it. I am just having a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I want so badly to have reckless faith but right now it really is the size of a mustard seed. Maybe we aren't supposed to adopt but I feel like I need to do something. But what? Anyway, that's where I am.